The Ladies of Loni.

The past weekend I traveled to Loni to visit my friends from Oregon. The bus ride was super long as I came from Pune instead of Rajgurunagar. I realized half way through it that I had no idea what Loni looks like, and since all the towns look the same to me, I had no idea where to get off. Luckily, I met a woman who was also going to Loni and I told her I would follow her lead.

Around 8pm the bus rolled into Loni, and as I was afraid I would miss the stop because the buses come and go so fast, I stood up as the bus was moving. I was trying to pull my backpack out from the overhead, but I couldn't get it. The man sitting next to me said he would help me, and I stood back. As I waited, the bus hit a really big bump, and I fell backwards into the lap of a well-rounded older woman. Thankfully no one seemed to notice, and luckily her belly broke my fall.

It was so good to meet up with my friends since I had only met them once at an orientation for our program. Sharon, Julia, and Andy are all doing medical rotations at Pravara Hospital. You know how it goes with chics, we all sit around together gossip, make each other laugh, and catch up on our experiences. We had ourselves a pretty sweet weekend consisting of delicious food, coconut water, a temple, a sugar/liquor distillery, a four hour drive to ancient caves, monkeys, and a look-a-like Taj Mahal.

Here is the journey in pictures:

Anita.

When I arrived at the bus station in Pune, I was greeted by Surekah Gaikwad who is a counselor at Zila Pradishad. She has been specializing in Family Counseling for over 10 years. Together we took a rickshaw to the counseling center where I would meet and talk with a current client.

I was introduced to Anita and she was informed of my presence and reason for internship with Chaitanya. She greeted me kindly and spoke some English. I was somewhat relieved. It is always a little awkward to be meet someone for the first time and know that they are about to tell you their personal marriage problems right then and there. Anita had no problem with this at all.


Anita is a 25 year old woman who was married in 2010 to a 26 year-old man. She has been educated up to the college level, but has not yet completed her degree. The husband has been educated up to the 10th standard. They live with his parents in a village outside of Pune.

Anita first came to the center on May 13, 2011 to discuss issues and concerns that have come about during her first year of marriage. She began by explaining that since the beginning of their marriage her husband has not been able to make a "positive adjustment". His behavior has been erratic and often treats her unkindly and with no respect. Often, the husband will verbally abuse her by yelling, shouting, and “rough talking” during arguments. The arguments are created by the husband who constantly targets her actions, behavior, and work around the house. The husband is believed to be a threat to her safety because he has physically harmed her body with scratches and cuts to her arms, causing her to bleed.

Anita began to notice that her husband was spending time with his brother’s wife and would not let her join the conversation or enter the room. She has come to find that he has been having an affair with the sister-in-law, which perhaps this is the cause of much of the tension and anger that he is having towards his wife. This situation has clearly been affecting her self-esteem as she was quite upset and frustrated during our session.

The husband has not been willing to come to the counseling center to talk with Surekah. She has even went out to the village to see him herself, but was not received well. It seems that he also shouts at people who are not his wife, and want to talk about his affair and marriage problems. The only thing he could manage to say is that he is not the problem, but Anita is. He refuses to talk and when he has he lies about what his behavior has been like.

I asked Anita if she would like to stay married since as of now, he does not. She does want to be married to him, but only if he is able to change and become a husband that she deserves. Anita was joined by her uncle, mother, and brother, and all were in agreement to compromise so that the marriage would last. However, if they end up getting a divorce it could be difficult for Anita to marry again as Indian culture has very much stigmatized a divorced woman.

Together we talked about our perceptions of marriage, well to a point. With losing meaning in translation there is only so much one can communicate and understand. I can only hope that it gets better for Anita. Whatever the outcome is, I know that she deserves happiness and to be treated with respect from her husband.

My Indian Family.

One morning I was trying to explain to a woman, who was also staying at the guesthouse, that I needed to take my dresses to a tailor. She walked me down the street and introduced me to my neighbor and local seamstress, and I handed her four dresses. When I came back that evening I was greeted, charged 50 rupees ($1) and welcomed in for chai.

Since then I have become close with the family, the daughter and her friends. I couldn't be any happier! They've invited me for dinner, taken studio photos with me (which I suppose I will post), walked me home, dressed me in a sari, and like to practice English and Marathi with me. Although, I'd say they are far better at what they are learning.

Here's some photos of Mrs. Pacharne, Namrata, Nilum, Samiksha, Samreet, and I.

I love my new family.

Trouble in Paradise.

Ahmednagar, MH

With Legal Jankar staff, we drove three hours east to a city called Ahmednagar. I was cramped with four other people in the back, praying that the door didn't open and I would fall out every time the jeep hit a bump. It was hot, and then of course, the rains came after awhile.

Ganga tai & Jayshri tai

Our mission today was to end a love marriage. The couple had been together for about 2 years before deciding to get married. Once they said their vows, just three days after the wife announced that she wanted a divorce. From what I was told it was because he had sexually harassed her after they were married.

This reason was considered by the Jankar, but also many felt that it was a false accusation. Primarily, because love marriages are not accepted by families. Which means that her father and family may have pressured her into finding a way out of the marriage. The Jankars also thought she was lying because of the history of relationship between the couple. This of course, I had to question myself since who can know for sure if she was "crying wolf" or telling the truth.

Regardless, here's how it all went down.

Nirmala Chaudhari & Arika tai

Chaitanya's co-founder, Arika-tai, met with lawyer and founder of Nyayadhar for Women's Rights, to facilitate and mediate the divorce process. This also included an audience of about 10 others, including yours truly. There were lots of arguments, pleading of cases, and silence. Neither husband or wife ever said one word. After about an hour the deed was done. The lawyers assistant typed up the notice in a rather old and dusty computer, and the marriage was canceled. I suppose this could be the equivalent of an annulment in the States. It seemed too easy for a process especially India's bureaucratic system. But, we said goodbye to the husband, which both sides seemed somewhat relieved to move on. Although, I couldn't help but notice him looking after her as she hopped on a motorcycle with her father.




All in all, the concept of love and arranged marriage has become rather interesting to me.

Over 90% of marriages in India are still arranged. Less than 5% end in divorce.

For one, this is part of the Indian culture is so obviously different from what the majority of Americans/Westerners know. Arranged marriages?! As in, never met before the wedding. As in, your parents decide for you. Total gamble for your future. The fact that our culture takes so much effort to focus our attention on what love is, falling in love, chemistry, true love, and having a soul mate it's hard to imagine what someone is going through during the process of an arranged marriage. Take a look at the divorce rate. We all know Americas: HALF of all marriages end in DIVORCE. Who's to say that the rest of India's 95% is in a happy and loving marriage? Most of the time it is very difficult for marriages to end and can be quite costly.

So is it better to marry for love or not?

I'd really like to continue with this at a later time. For now, I will post.

Lesson Learned.

Okay people! What’s the number one thing that we all should know when traveling to a foreign country?? I’ll give you a hint: You can't go home with out it...

DING! DING! DING!

If you answered “Always have your passport” then you will go very far in this world.

Me on the other hand...

Last Thursday, as I got ready to leave for work I did my every-couple-days check in on my passport. Now, I know that a passport is like the holy grail so I like to keep it in a super secret, safe spot: under my mattress. Who would ever think to look there, right? Flip the mattress, there it is, easy as pie. Well, this day I noticed that there was something different, something that wasn't there before. It was a sticker on the front of my passport. That's odd, I thought. I grabbed it, sat on the bed, and when I opened the booklet I saw all these stamps that said I have been to the Bahamas and Singapore, which I never have. I shouted a particular curse word that was definitely appropriate and then saw that the picture that was supposed to be me, was in fact a younger, much lighter woman!

Thankfully, as it turned out, it was the other intern, Kourtney, that arrived in Mumbai the same day as me. She and I attended orientation the following day and a staff member made copies of our passports. When he handed them back to us individually, we did not think to check them and put them away safely in our bags.

What's funny is that Kourtney and I did not look at our passport for quite some time. I left that day after orientation, and she stayed for over a week in Mumbai before heading to her work site in Rajasthan. When I finally contacted her via Facebook, she said that she realized the mistake when she was already on the train headed up north. I figured as much since I hadn't heard from her, and when I saw her passport I knew that she had already gone the day before.

Luckily, I am headed to Rajasthan after completing my internship in Maharashtra. I will be at the same site, Educate Girls, that she is currently at. And thankfully, she will still be there and not need her passport prior to that. What an odd circumstance. It seems almost pointless that the universe would decide to throw this at us since we will easily be able to exchange them.

If anything, I will never forget to always make sure that I have MY passport. Until I get it back, I will continue to guard this passport as though it were...well, somebody else's passport.

Everything Exposed.

This past week was full of many different events, exciting, exhausting and somewhat depressing.

Monday started off with a visit to the Jankar counsel sessions, which takes place at the guesthouse lounge where I am staying. This is not your typical marriage counseling session, at least not by Western standards. There are no confidentiality agreements, no appointments made, and by no means any privacy. Yep, that’s right. All your problems are exposed to the next client, as well as your family and everyone else’s. Oh, and me, but that’s no big deal because I can’t understand anything that is being said.

Regardless of the logistical arrangement, the session was quite the spectacle. Did I mention there can be more than one counselor at any point during these meetings? That is what I found to be both interesting and confusing. Interesting because with this process you have various minds coming together to support the outcome of the parties’ issues. Confusing because how do counselors work to gain the trust of both parties if they are constantly switching around? Many other questions come to mind around this process. What does it entail for the husband and wife? Does their argument increase or decrease with the switching of Jankar? What about the audience, how does this affect their ability to be truthful with the counselor(s)?

Jankar counsel session

Well, actually, that last question might be an easy one to answer: Not at all! I may not be able to understand Marathi, but I can sure comprehend body language, tone, expressions, and I think I am a pretty good judge of vibes that are sent out. Nothing is held back it seems, and you can especially tell when things get heated and all sides begin to raise their voices. Be that as it may, intercultural communication, translating non-verbal messages, and listening to people shouting in another language can be very tiring. After sometime, I went up to my flat to take a quick snooze.

On Wednesday I went with my co-workers to a village outside of Rajgurunagar to celebrate Chaitanya’s first year completion of their health insurance program. This program was developed to provide health benefits and medical care to the rural women and their families at a reasonable cost. I believe the figures are 150-200 rupees…which is like $3-4 dollars. This is for ONE year of health insurance. Now granted, we live in very different societies, and costs are extremely different for each. But in a society that is quite corrupt in maintaining its credibility as caring for the people of its country (wait, corruption? insurance? I forget if I’m talking about America or India), this service provides basic care for a community that is underprivileged and marginalized, as well as faces extreme health issues. Thanks to Chaitanya, which is an NGO, for developing this program and the staff for carrying out the mission.

Chaitanya's Health Event & 1 Year Celebration

Speaking of health concerns…

This is probably going to be really gross for some of you readers, but I think it is appropriate and necessary for me to post. So the other day after work I walked out of the office building and began walking down the dirt road. I looked down the road and notice that there was a little girl going to the bathroom right out in the open. I see this girl quite often as her father owns a little shop just outside the office. I thought, “How funny, she’s peeing on the side of the road”. Actually this was not the case at all. I managed not to look for one second as I thought she may want some privacy, but as I waited to cross the street I saw it all. Yup, she was pooping. I crossed the street and chuckled to myself while trying to get the image off my mind. Now seriously though, what struck me was that she did not have a solid stool, it was basically diarrhea. As I continued to walk further down the road I thought about how this health issues is of great concern for many children in India. Diarrhea is a big problem, and is the second major cause of death here.

"Children weakened by frequent diarrhea episodes are more vulnerable to malnutrition and opportunistic infections such as pneumonia. About 48% of children in India are suffering from some degree of malnutrition. Diarrhea and worm infection are two major health conditions that affect school age children impacting their learning abilities" (UNICEF INDIA).

I realized that this could possibly be a daily routine for her, and that she is one of 240 million children under the age of 5 in India not getting the proper nutrition and diet that a young girl needs.

Mother & Child at Chaitanya's health celebration.